My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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