I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
