i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
