im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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