I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
