you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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