My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
