i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
