I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
