I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
