i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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