Ambien. No doubt about it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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