Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
