my mouth tastes like poor choices
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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