when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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