we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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