I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
