Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
