The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
