she looked like the before picture.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
