You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
