Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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