Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
