I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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