Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
