Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
