I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
