Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize