i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
