She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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