you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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