how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
