how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
