i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
