I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
