Duck Duck Cougar?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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