Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
