It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
