I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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