I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
