I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
