Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
