dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
