Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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