No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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