Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
