Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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