I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
