and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
