R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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