Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize