Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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