I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
