just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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