one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize