i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
