i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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