The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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