you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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