Are we in a gay sports bar?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
