there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
