Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
