6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
