Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
