sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
