my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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